


Fanfiction Eyeliner Guide By Firenze

by Ashildr_Dorchadon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23384656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashildr_Dorchadon/pseuds/Ashildr_Dorchadon
Summary: Firenze the centaur gives you a guide to matching your fanfiction type to your eyeliner and makeup in general. He hopes you enjoy the glorious descriptions he has provided to us.





	Fanfiction Eyeliner Guide By Firenze

Well met by moonlight, friends. I am named Fr'gnvzvreinrvjio, but you may call me Firenze. I am a centaur and a teacher at Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry. The star-touched co-hat editors of Yes!Glitter magazine have solicited me for guides to matching your eyeliner colour to your favourite fanfictions. I am only too happy to oblige them.

1) The darkness of the heavens should not be highlighting for Angst, for Angst is in the foliage of the Pine tree and is unglossed except for the tears of sorrow and longing.

2) If you must add rose-colour to your Romance eyeliners, complement it with curling wings of angelic white, edged in the starry night of their passionate love.

3) AU's are different beyond the turnings of the stars and so must be given to a clash of violent extremes that fade into one another as the holly berry fades into the holly bush or as the resplendent dusk fades into the deep blue of the ocean and the sky.

4) Darkfics must be shown in eyeliner with jagged patterns of alternating grey and midnight black. There are no other options.

5) For the realm of fix-fics, a shadow of grey must be covered over with intricate multi-coloured sparkling eyeliner patterns.

6) Beware of those who would match golden lines to fluff without a pairing of wings that trace the hairline to the jaw to the chin. These are the ones who would rip a butterfly in two for the sheer pleasure of it.

7) Hurt/Comfort fics are tricky to match so pay attention. A theme of eyeliner colour must be applied for all main characters, distinct from the ones given to every other character. They must be layered, one outside another in concentric rings around the eyes. Wings are for cowards.

8) A sterile black is sufficient for meta fics, looping about at the wings in intricate and increasingly convoluted patterns that draw the gaze and lock it there even as the subject of the gaze approaches the transfixed watcher.

9) Self-insertion confounds me. Mayhaps it is better that no eyeliners are used here but that the face is gently powdered with lipstick applied.

10) Shipping is a violent, often heavily contested affair which deserves special treatment. That is to say, jagged streaks of animal blood set against detailed black and white eyeliner drawings of the OTP in question. It is recommended that the nails are also painted a deep crimson and filed into long talons, the better to slice the throats of any anti-shippers you come across.

11) For some, the domestic scene enchants in a way that the sweeping affairs of gods and heroes of legend cannot reach or else seldom do. No eye shadow should be applied and only the finest line of unadorned eyeliner. Mascara is allowed but discouraged.

12) Smut should be demarcated in rose-shaped eyeliner wings of the most sensual pink, red as the roaring hormone-filled blood, and purple as the bruises left by the intense kisses of the pair, and purple as the BDSM bruises. Eyeshadow must be sparkling white flecked with pink.

13) Do you know what musical notation the song in question is written with? if not, learn for ALL songfics must be matched to ocean blue eyeliner with musical notation wings. Mascara colour should match the theme of the song (take in example, the case of the break up song being a navy blue edged thickly with matt black; or take a song of distant pining, pure and unsullied which could go equally with whites and golds and wings of sparkling silver or else with hot pinks and various shades of red with heart-shaped wings)  
14) Crackfic eyeliners are characterised by a focus on reds and crimsons and whites. A background of sunlight white must be applied to the whole face whilst red eyeliner highlights the eyes and wings fly out from the sides down the face and looping round the cheeks to cover the nose in blankets of blood colour.

15) For the temporal confusion that is a Peggy Sue fic, the eyeliner should only underline the eyes and the colour may be any of the arrays of oceanic glows from the green of the kelp to the blue of the moon and the stars under the water. A deep sea green should be used to draw vertical eyes on the cheeks, filled in wholly with a neon green and point-like pupils the colour of the inside of a dead star, the blackness that is left by the burning of enough light to illuminate the universe, the darkness left by a holy flame, the colour of ethereal ash.


End file.
